I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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