Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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