Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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