he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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