i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
