ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
