Plan B is the new Plan A
are you so shy because you have an std?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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