Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
time to smoke my breakfast
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
