giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
A bitchslap is in order.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
