its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
