We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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