u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
