why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
