They should really pass out barf bags in church
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
