ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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