How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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