i don't plan on having that self control this summer
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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