first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
