So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
