Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
