Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
