Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
