i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
