I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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