okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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