I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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