You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
