Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
