Just fell off a train. Bad.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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