thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
