Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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