we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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