Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
