im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
