Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
