Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
