i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
