her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
