So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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