Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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