So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
