then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
