We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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