also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
