Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
