i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
