4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
