Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize