:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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