I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
